As I skimmed through my notes and reflection or fruits of my thirty-day-retreat which I underwent 2 years ago, I found this meditation I had written on Jn 21:1-14. This was about Peter, after the death and Resurrection of Jesus. I wrote this is in a poetic form.
Peter said, “I am going fishing,”
meaning he is going back to this old way of life.
The other disciples said, ‘We will go with you.’
meaning they will do the same.
They went all night
but they caught nothing. Their nets caught nothing.
Likewise, I said, ‘I am going back to my old way of life.’
So I start imagining the things I imagined before
and I start doing the things I did before.
But those things left me empty, guilty,
ashamed, self-pity, self-hatred,
hypocrisy, malice, etc.
And lo! Jesus appeared and asked his disciples,
‘You’ve caught nothing, have you?’
‘Cast the net to the right side of the boat.’
And they caught plenty of fish.
Likewise, Jesus has given me a boat
This [priestly] vocation I have now
and those things I’ve done are not proper
and not on the right side of my boat.
They are however destructive to my boat,
So I caught nothing all day, all night
but emptiness and guilt and shame.
Jesus could have asked his disciples,
‘I have made you fishers of men already,
why did you go back to your old way of life?’
Likewise, Jesus could have asked me,
‘I have already called you to follow me,
why do you fail to cast the net on the right side
of your vocation? Why do you go back
to your old way of life?’
Lord, help me to be faithful to my calling.
Help me to cast the net on the side of my boat
of my vocation to the priesthood.