The Following is a summary of the comments made about the parish priest in a typical Irish parish:

If his homily is longer than usual: ‘He sends us to sleep!’

If it’s short: ‘He hasn’t bothered!’

If he raises his voice: ‘ He is shouting!’

If he speaks normally: ‘ You can’t hear a thing.’

If he’s away: ‘He’s always on the road!’

If he’s at home: ‘He’s a stick-in-the-mud!’

If he’s out visiting: ‘He’s never at home!’

If he’s in the presbytery: ‘He never visits his people!’

If he  talks finances: ‘He’s too fond of money!’

If he doesn’t: ‘The parish is dead!’

If he takes his time with people: ‘He wears everybody out!’

If he is brief: ‘He never listens!’

If he starts Mass on time: ‘His watch must be fast!’

If he starts a minute late: ‘He holds everybody up!’

If he is young: ‘He lacks experience!’

If he is old: ‘He ought to retire!’

And if he dies? Well of course, ‘No one could ever take his place!’